Dedication
by LuMaria
Summary: 'Dan has written a new book that promises to make even more trouble than the first, and this time he has no desire to remain anonymous.' Post 5x24.
1. Chapter 1

"I miss you."

The words are soft, kind. Sincere. Dan looks down and smiles, gripping his cell phone tightly. "I miss you, too. You should come home."

"I _am_ home. There's nothing left for me there. Why don't you come here? Take a European vacation. An _enjoyable_ one."

"As much as I'd love to do that, I have a bit of a project going on right now so I'll have to pass."

There is a hesitation on the other end of the line, and Dan furrows his brows. "Hello?"

"Is this project the book you told me about?"

"Jenny.."

"Dan, listen to me." His sister's voice is low and urgent, and Dan sighs and closes his eyes, already anticipating the lecture that's coming. "I know that things got really messed up with Blair and Chuck and Serena, but you really should reconsider the book."

"Why? What's it going to do, alienate people around me? Too late, I think. And it's not as if I made up lies about everyone, I'm using the truth. Exposing it. And doing that, yeah, it'll be ugly but I think it needs to be done."

"You know as well as I do that it's not just about alienating people. You're trying to get revenge on these people around you, and...remember how you told me that being around them was making me like them? It's my turn to tell you the same. This won't end well. You're better than them, you don't have to do this."

"I appreciate the concern, but I know what I'm doing. Listen, I'll call you next week, I have to go now."

"Dan, wait-"

Dan hangs up quickly, rising from his seat on the sofa and making his way to his office. He knows, deep down, that Jenny has a point, that being around the Upper East Side and the people that call it home can poison a person's mind, make them do horrible things they never thought they were capable of doing. He also knows that in his case, it's far too late to get away from it like Jenny managed to do. He wants-no, _needs_-to do this.

He reaches into a desk drawer and takes out a small lockbox (Georgina's idea), produces a key from his pocket to unlock it. Once the box is open, he eyes the flash drive inside, pulls it out and turns it over in his fingers, wages the same mental debate he has been waging since he finished writing the book. Writing all the secrets down, typing them out and reading them over and over has been good for Dan, therapeutic even, but there is still a part of him that has hesitated and kept the flash drive out of Alessandra's hands despite her protests and urging. Dan knows that once she gets it, there is no going back, his life will change forever and everyone will hate him. Can he actually let go, can he destroy everyone's lives? Can he do this to his friends? To Blair?

_Do you even want to be in this relationship?_

_Of course!_

_Is the reason you can't tell me you love me because you're still in love with Chuck?_

_No._

Dan's decision is made and he is already downstairs and hailing a taxi before he can even finish replaying all of Blair's lies in his head, but then he thinks bitterly to himself it's probably because there was such a wide selection of them to choose from. He hears the familiar tinkling of his phone's message alert on the ride to meet with Alessandra, sees a new Gossip Girl blast. Surprise, surprise, Chuck and Blair have been spotted in Rome. He actually laughs aloud, a sharp barking laugh that startles the taxi driver, thinking how very fitting it is that he practically begged her to go to Rome but it's Chuck she ends up accompanying there with no hesitation.

**~.~**

"You're not concerned at all?" Alessandra's eyebrows are practically in her hair, and Dan shrugs in a way that he hopes comes across as casual. "Dan, come on. You were pretty much twisting yourself into a pretzel with Inside, worrying about what people would think. You just seem entirely too calm this time around."

"Yeah, I know, but last time was..." Dan trails off, unable to really think of a good way to say _this time I just want to fuck some people over so they know what it feels like_. "Look, whatever, this time I don't care. This was written to finally expose all the secrets and lies and manipulations the way they should've been from the beginning. I don't care if people get hurt-"

"And you don't care if people hurt you, either," she finishes with a small, sympathetic smile. "I get it. I really do. And I'm not going to talk you out of this, because it's just..well, it's too good. I just want you to know, like I wanted you to know last time, what you're getting yourself into. This time it'll actually be much more intense. This isn't a novel with vague references to real life events. This is going to lay everything out there. I hope you're prepared to deal with the fallout, that's all."

"Trust me," Dan says with the beginnings of a smirk, "I know full well what I'm getting myself into, and it has been a long time coming. I'm ready."

**~.~**

"About the dedication..." Alessandra begins the next week during a quick phone call. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"It just seems rather mean, given the content of the book."

"Then it's perfect."

**~.~**

Dan's copy arrives just as _Inside_ did, but this time he takes time to look at the cover, flip open the back flap, study his photograph, trace his fingers over his name in bold print on the spine. Then he flips straight to the dedication, a slow vengeful smile creeping across his face as he reads his own words.

_For B._

_May you finally see yourself as I see you._

_-D_


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, you cut your hair!"

Dan looks up at his father, his attention diverted from the cuff of the dress shirt he's been trying to button for over a minute. "Yeah, thought it might be time to look less like a caveman. New book, new look." He reaches up and runs a hand through his now very short curls and studies the bags of groceries Rufus is carrying into the loft. "Do you have a secret bunker somewhere that I'm unaware of? What's with all the food?"

"We do have to eat, Dan," Rufus replies, shrugging off Dan's concern. "You're not going out tonight, are you? I thought you were going to just hang out here with your old man tonight."

"Yeah, well, I was going to, but apparently I am going to someone else's book release party tonight." He returns his attention once again to his shirt cuff. "Alessandra thinks I should be more social, get myself out there more and start talking up my new book."

"Sounds fun," Rufus practically rolls his eyes and takes out two bunches of celery.

"Mmm, no, I'd go with torturous. But it's a necessary evil, according to her, and I figure who am I to turn down free drinks and mingling with other writers? It's just not in my nature." He slides onto a barstool and watches his dad extract carrots, potatoes and onions from his bags. "Okay, no, really, what's going on? There are enough vegetables here to make stew for an army."

"So this party, are you taking anyone?" Rufus asks breezily, pointedly ignoring Dan's question.

"No, who would I take?"

"I don't know. Will Alessandra be there, then?"

"_Dad_."

"What? I just asked a question. She's about the only woman you see or talk about anymore, I was just curious."

"She's my agent. It's all business. And I'm not really interested in any sort of romantic relationship with anyone right now, but thank you for showing an interest, as borderline creepy as it is."

A knock at the door interrupts Rufus's protest, and Dan smirks at him and walks over to open it, eyes nearly bulging when he sees who is on the other side. "Jenny!"

"Hey!" Jenny drops her two bags onto the floor beside her and launches herself at Dan, hugging him so hard he can barely breathe. He laughs into the mass of blonde waves now obstructing his sight, hugging her tightly and not realizing until this very moment how much he has truly missed his sister.

"Whoa, easy, easy," he gasps, prying her off but unable to stop grinning like an idiot. "What are you doing here?"

"Dad. He convinced me to visit," she answers simply as Rufus comes over for a hug of his own. "And..." Her voice trails off, and Dan notices Jenny and Rufus exchanging glances, suddenly looking at him as if he might turn into a werewolf in front of their eyes. "We have another surprise for you."

"I don't know," Dan tilts his head, mock thoughtful, "I think maybe one surprise might be enough for one day."

"Are you sure you can't handle two?" A new voice asks from behind Jenny and Rufus at the door, and Dan's smile fades when he recognizes it. He doesn't even really need to look at her to see who it is, but he does so anyway, as Rufus and Jenny slink into the loft.

"Vanessa."

~.~

"Look, I know that you hate me, and I get it-" Vanessa begins once she and Dan are in the privacy of his room and Rufus and Jenny are chopping vegetables in the kitchen.

"Vanessa, don't, just stop." Dan holds up a hand to stop her and shakes his head. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not...I'm not angry. And I don't hate you."

"You don't? But, when I got Inside published behind your back-"

"It worked out for the best," he interrupts again, shrugging. "And now that the time has passed, and the last year has happened, I realize that you were doing it _for_ me. You're probably the only person besides my family that ever truly wanted to do anything to help me just because you cared about me."

Vanessa sits slowly on his bed, looking up at him with sad eyes. "Yeah, I heard about the last year when Jenny called me. Of course, it was just the abridged version. So things went south fast with Blair? And you were surprised?" She holds up her hands quickly when he narrows his eyes. "That is not meant to be a judgmental statement, it is an actual question."

Dan slumps onto the bed beside her and lets out a chuckle, looking down at his hands. "Yeah. I guess I was surprised. Really, I think in the back of my mind I always saw the end coming, but I kept trying to make that feeling go away. I just thought if I tried harder, if I could make her happy..." He trails off and shrugs again, trying to swallow down the bitterness before it comes bubbling back up. "It doesn't matter. It never mattered, nothing I've done with or for Blair the last year made any difference." He looks back up at her with a sad smile. "You weren't around to tell me what a fool I was being. And that was my fault, and I am really, _really_ sorry for that."

She smiles back at him and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Also, I've known you long enough to know that if you're truly in love, no amount of me calling you a fool would work. And I wouldn't have called you that, anyway. I am really biased, of course, but I think the only fool in this story is Blair. I'm sorry things didn't work out, though. For _your_ sake."

Dan hesitates just one moment before leaning in for a hug, surprising Vanessa, who takes a full five seconds to respond by hugging him back tightly. "Wait," he says when he pulls out of the hug, eyeing her curiously. "I thought you and Jenny weren't really speaking, she's the one that called you?"

"We've both had time to reflect," Vanessa says simply. "I was actually thinking about calling her one day, I even got her number, but she somehow beat me to it and called me last month. We started talking and we both realized that we both just felt happier away from...well, life here. I apologized, then she apologized, and here we are. Visiting you and Rufus."

"That's really great, I really hope..I'd really like it if all of us could just put all the stupid stuff from the past behind us. Be how we were before."

"I'd like that, too, I think Jenny and Rufus would agree." Vanessa beams at him, and Dan returns it, feeling lighter than he has in ages at the prospect of having his friend again. "Now," she says, "tell me why you're so dressed up. I thought we were all having dinner here tonight?"

~.~

"Wow, Dan, thank you so much for inviting me," Vanessa says with a smirk, downing the last of her drink and looking around the room at all the people. Dan laughs when he looks at her face, understanding her sarcasm completely. The party is essentially just a room full of older, stuffy people and he's sure he and Vanessa are the youngest two people by at least two decades.

"You're so very welcome. Hey, come on, look at it this way, we'll be home early enough to enjoy whatever it was Dad and Jenny were cooking when we left and catch up on lost time." She nods and he continues, "Let me just walk around and talk to a few people, get the old Humphrey name out there, and we'll go, okay? Alessandra is counting on me."

"Okay. I'm going to head to the bar, want another drink?"

"Absolutely." He watches her head across the room until he loses sight of her burgundy cocktail dress and upswept hair behind two balding gentlemen, then turns to start making his rounds. He takes about three steps and glances at the door and nearly chokes when he sees who has just arrived. Unbelievable. Un_fucking_believable. He walks in long strides, pausing just in front of the new arrival with narrowed eyes and speaks in a cold, hard voice.

"What are you doing here, Blair?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Oh." Blair's eyes widen, her lips part, and if Dan didn't know her as well as he did, he would believe she genuinely was afraid of him at this moment. "You're here. I didn't think-"

"What are you doing here?" he cuts her off, not caring how harsh his tone is, or how innocently she is looking at him. He's known her long enough to know that she's perfected the whole doe eyed routine, and it's definitely not working on him anymore.

Blair's lips curl into a tentative smile. "Well, if you'd let me explain, Humphrey," she begins in the airy, superior tone that is just so _Blair_, and he feels his insides coil at the return of his surname and how casually it rolls off her tongue. "I pulled up Gossip Girl earlier, and saw that you'd been spotted here, and well, I thought now was as good a time as any for us to talk."

"You were wrong," he shrugs, "I don't have anything to say to you and I am not particularly interested in anything you have to say, so I think we're done here." He turns to leave, but her hand is on his wrist before he can walk away.

"Would you just listen? How am I supposed to give you my carefully rehearsed speech if you won't even give me a chance?" Dan turns back to her and her eyes light up, she looks hopeful and satisfied that he's facing her again and so she continues before he can stop her, "That's better. You know, I _did_ try to contact you, you're so infuriatingly stubborn sometimes. All you had to do was answer your phone."

Dan stares at her in complete shock for a moment, pulling his arm away from her and waiting on her to say more, and when she doesn't he lets out a sarcastic laugh. "Are you..you're serious right now, aren't you? Okay, well, I'm sorry Blair," he intones in a voice that suggests it's meant for a small child, "I'm sorry that I didn't give you the chance to ease your conscience about leaving me for Chuck without so much as a goodbye. How thoughtless of me."

She is visibly startled at his words and tone, her eyes grow wet and the corners of her mouth turn downward, and he is reminded of a time when she was so torn months before, wondering who to share her life and her child with before the accident came along that knocked everyone's plans off course. "Dan." Her glossy bottom lip juts out slightly, and he gazes at it, at the perfect little dip right in the center of it that always used to distract him and apparently still does. Wait. No. He will not do this.

"Blair," he grinds out, "just go away. There's nothing more to say."

"Well, I don't believe that," she presses, and he opens his mouth to respond just as Vanessa walks up to where they're standing with a drink in each hand.

"Dan, I hope we're leaving soon, because two different guys just tried to grab my-Blair." She raises her eyebrows and looks between an optimistic Blair and annoyed Dan twice before biting her lip. "Should I come back?"

"Yes," Blair chirps, eyes still firmly on Dan's face, and Dan's not even sure she even noticed Vanessa or cares who she is speaking to at all. "We're in the middle of something. Run along."

"No," Dan says firmly, glaring at Blair but softening his face before turning to Vanessa. "I'll get our coats. I'm not really in the mood to stay here anymore."

"Dan!" Blair pushes past Vanessa like she's not even there, weaving through the crowd behind him. "Look, I know I made mistakes, but don't you think you're carrying this whole anger thing a bit far? We're friends, please, I just want to-"

Dan turns abruptly, and she slams into him, chest to chest, bouncing backward and gazing up at him in surprise. "Friends? We're friends, Blair?"

Three times she opens and closes her mouth before she can manage any words. "Yes, I thought we were friends, you were my_ best _friend."

"Right." Dan bites his lip, hard, but the words just won't stay in, no matter how much he wants them to. "Friends. How was Rome, Blair? How was Monte Carlo? How was Paris? What about Dubai? How's _Chuck_?"

She blinks, speaks more quietly than she has since she arrived. "I need you to know that Rome wasn't a romantic trip. I need you to know that."

"But the others were, right?"

An almost inperceptible shake of the head is her answer.

Dan sighs wearily. "You know what? It doesn't even matter. Because what it boils down to is that I gave you out after out, I gave you so many chances to admit to me what you already _knew_. I asked you if you wanted Chuck, and you lied every time. Maybe we could've been friends if you had been honest. But as it stands, I never want to even see you again. There isn't some healing period we can go through and suddenly everything is wiped away and we're good." He watches her eyes fill with tears that don't fall again and continues. "And just so you know, I did something that I'm not proud of as well. You'll find it all out soon enough, and you probably won't even care that we aren't friends after you do. In fact, you'll be thrilled."

"No, I won't," she shakes her head vehemently and reaches for his hand, but he backs up.

"Trust me on this one. Just...I know that we'll probably run into each other at functions, but from now on, let's just go back to how we were before we were friends." He hovers for a moment, then with a simple "Goodbye, Blair" he is off to retrieve the coats. He turns just once to see if she followed him, but she is nowhere to be seen.

~.~

"Well, that wasn't tense at all," Vanessa says with a nervous laugh when they're safely in the taxi, heading for home. "What was she even doing there?"

"Complicating my life," Dan sighs. "Apparently showing up at the loft is not enough for Blair Waldorf, she thought a party was the perfect time to confront me with her four-months-too-late 'let's be friends' speech."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter, my book comes out next week. If she deems it worthy enough to read, she'll hate me anyway."

"You think there's a chance she won't read it?" Vanessa asks incredulously.

"A very strong chance, actually. She didn't even read all of _Inside_ until we were together, and even then she wrote corrections and notes in the margins."

"You know what? I'd say that's surprising, but it is Blair." She lowers her voice, tilts her head. "Do you _want_ her to read it? Jenny and Rufus told me it's not the most flattering book."

"That's the nicest way of saying it," Dan laughs weakly. "'Not flattering'. Yeah, I do. I do, I want her to read it. Maybe not as much as I did when I submitted it, but..I do. And I want you to read it, too. I want your honest opinion. I'll give you my copy to read when we get home."

"Looking forward to it."

~.~

"Well?" Dan demands from the kitchen when Vanessa snaps _Regret_ shut at around noon the next day. "I thought you'd never finish."

"Wow." Vanessa gets up from the couch, walks over and takes the tea he pushes across the counter to her, pushing the book across to him.

"Is that a good wow or a bad wow?"

"It's an 'I think you should let Blair read this before it comes out so she's prepared' wow. And also, a good wow. It's really great. But advanced warning. Give it to her."

~.~

The day before the new book is released to the general public, Dan receives a box. Inside it is the advanced copy of _Regret_ he left with Dorota, as well as two flannel shirts, six ripped movie stubs, a cubic zirconia encrusted tiara and Blair's copy of _Inside_. At the bottom of the box, he finds a note, Blair's loopy handwriting standing out to him immediately. He swallows hard as he reads it.

_The battle isn't over. But you were right. We are. -B_


End file.
